I am a very tired lady.
In additional to sending off my novel for edits (which I should get back at the beginning of July), I also finished the reader magnet, which is a prequel to my debut novel. For the last six weeks, I’ve been writing up a storm. The only time I’ve ever written more is when I wrote my master’s thesis. If I wasn’t writing, I was studying the fine art of marketing a book. My friend pointed me into the direct of New York Times Best Selling Author JA Huss’ “Perfect Year” course, which goes through every step of a book launch and I love her no-nonsense approach to teaching. I’ve learned a lot but man, does my head feel like it’s about to explode.
It’s all good, however. The fact that I’m at a point where I’m gearing up to release my first indie novel is amazing. I’ve always wanted to release at least one novel on my own but I could never muster the courage to do so. You know the story – despite garnering praise from friends, family, and outside sources about your writing, you never feel like your writing is good enough. I still don’t feel that way. I’ve gotten positive feedback from my alpha readers (all two of you) about this book and it’s been very awesome. But I still feel that insecurity. I think creative types always feel that insecurity. In my case, not only do I feel like I’m utter crap at storytelling, but I’m always fearful that at the end of the day, my stories aren’t worth telling.
Brene Brown was my go-to inspiration person throughout my masters program and there’s one thing she said that has always stayed with me. It went something along the lines of “you can have comfort or you can have courage – you cannot have both”. To create is to be courageous despite being terrified. Creating something and showing it off to the world is terrifying. Once you show your heart and soul to the world, it is open for criticize, some constructive, some not so constructive. Not everyone is going to like your work and there are some folks who will hate it. It might seem easier to hide your work because if you do that, it can’t be criticize. And since our writing works are literally pieces of our souls, if we hide it, no one can reject it and by extension, no one can reject you.
I won’t lie. I’m terrified of rejection. But I’m not getting any older, so I’m going to do it anyway. Even the Doctor, who has been in plenty of tense situations himself, had something to say about courage.
There is no guarantee that this process is going to go the way that I want it, too. There’s a good chance it might be all for naught. But that’s okay. Because I’ve worked so hard toward something I believe in, I’ve already won. I can say that I published a book and hopefully I can say that someone really liked it. And I can say that I got out of my own way and did something I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl.
I hope you’ll hold space for me and my novel in September.